I don't know about you lot, but I simply can't tear myself away from Big Brother. It's the most addictive, edge of your seat, perverted television I've ever seen. I could watch some of these guys for hours, it's amazing finding out so much about your fellow human beings. Did I mention I'm a fan of voyeurism?
Anyway, yeah. If you haven't been living under a rock for the last week, you'll know that Lea Walker, the one with the tits, was in a hardcore porno just before going into BB. And those of you who have been watching it will admit that, while her appearance isn't for the faint hearted, you've wondered what she's like in the sack. Don't give me that look - you've seen her deepthroating a lollipop - now you want to know what those incredible tits look like when she's bouncing up and down on a cock!
Well, now you can find out, because Lea Walker stars in what is rapidly becoming the fastest selling online celebrity hardcore movie in UK history.
It's actually a bloody good watch in its own right, though, and I was amazed how professionally she was acting. It must be her job in a porn store - I'm the first to admit that constant exposure to porn does make you want to do it better yourself.
"Unleash The Beasts" : Lea Walker is rampant. Not just sex starved (she says she hasn't been laid for 2 months) but an experienced sexpot who knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to show it. Straight after the kissing and boob fondling (or rather boob handling, as those things are the size of footballs), Lea is demanding more and more fingers inside her pussy, "more, harder, faster... oh yeah - that's good". Tony doesn't know what's hit him as she makes increasing demands, rewarding him with a "good boy, that's nice" when he performs well. It gets even better when he begins sucking her beautifully shaved pussy - she needs fingers, groping, and even teeth on her clit to be fully satisfied.
Cockaholic: And the grin on her face when his cock finally comes out is something to behold (good man, Tony, for providing her with a decent amount of pleasure before claiming your own!). Lea Walker is clearly a huge fan of dick. This leads to a brilliant titwank, which quickly becomes a pretty decent blowjob - Lea certainly knows what she's doing. It also turns her on a huge amount - "You're fucking wet through, aren't you?" Tony James growls at her.
Enhanced: And then the plastic surgery - utterly incredible what a transformation she must have undergone. "I was 24 stone. And I lost all the weight and started to have surgery to look the way I do now. I've had rhinoplasty, which is obviously a nose job, perlaine in my lips, davinci teeth veneers, botox, 4 boob jobs, tummy tucks, pubic lift, thigh lift, hip reducing and lipo twice." Lea Walker must have had terribly low self esteem, which led her to spend so much money under the knife. This is even apparent after her transformation, because a compliment as basic as "Your tits are enormous" is met with a big smile and a very sweet "Oh bless you, thankyou". That is not the reply of an arrogant bimbo. And the look on her face when she's asked afterwards if she enjoys it - she's just so...nice.
Shock: The only moment which might make you baulk, although if you're evil it will make you laugh too, is the plastic surgery disaster moment. Noone in our office is sure exactly what happened, despite having studied it several times (for research purposes!) but according to Lea "ouch - that hurt! It's my pubic lift, it's fallen down". That's quite scary. I hope she's ok!
Voyeurism: The whole production is more entertaining than most pornos, certainly horny, and made even more fascinating by being able to see Lea live on national television 24 hours per day, meaning we can compare her everyday personality with her sexual one - something that hardly ever happens with people we don't shag directly. It's quite simply unmissable...

Dogging...what a concept. Free sex any time, as long as you're in one of the notorious dogging hotspots around the UK, and know all the secret signals, such as flashing the headlights to let potential partners know you're interested.
Trust Relish to make an instructional movie on dogging, which of course quickly turns into a filth-fest of slutty bitches getting sphincter shafted in car parks by a selection of studs. It's a pretty optimistic production, with the guys only having to wait a few minutes in the cold, windy car park, before the requisite hot babe comes along and puts them out of their stiff cocked misery.
The camera crew 'hide' in the nearby bushes and crack homo jokes as another guy pulls up in his car to join Dirty Dog(ger). But when the slutty vixen Jamie Brooks sashays into view, in hotpants and boob tube, all gay jokes are forgotten as the guys dive straight (boom boom) in. She really does look damn whorish (in a good way) with her blonde hair and skimpy outfit, and has no qualms about getting down to it in broad daylight, which makes it even hotter to watch - this is a pretty public place they're shagging in here! There's a nice long vaginal spitroasting, then a pure British moment as she gets fucked on the ground lying on a Barbour jacket, as it starts to rain. This leads to blowjobs in the car for both the men, with very pervy views through the window with the camera of Jamie's arse as Ian gives more dogging advice. Useful, and hot. What more could you want?
The rest of the scenes follow the same kind of pattern, with an authentic looking 'surprised shaggers' documentary gonzo type format. Next they happen upon a couple of lesbians, Kellemarie and Karen Wood, getting it on in a...vehicle (don't ask me what kind - I'm an expert on porn models, not car models!). The girls invite the guys to join in, but it's probably for the best that they don't, as these hot babes put on a damn fine show on their own, thankyouverymuch.
Some entertaining wife swapping action up next, as Ian brings his girlfriend Susie Best along for some fun and Tony James brings Starr, which leads to some beautiful footage as the girls get fucked by the opposite partners over the car, as their faces meet for a girly snog. Starr's one rampant bitch and no mistake. Great scene - and a very sexy contrast between the slightly more MILF style Starr, and young blonde Susie.
More group fun with Roxy Rare and her partner, who are joined by black babe Kym Morgan and her man. Dude, what fantastic positions - Kym through the window, babes bent over the bonnets, and as if it needed to get any better - they get caught by a security guard! Of course, he joins in, and gets the treat of his life from these beautiful little fillies. Hilariously, he is so overwhelmed with pleasure that he almost runs off naked.
More funny action as they catch a guy wanking in the bushes over Karla's alfresco car based shagging - really amusing as the camera sneaks up on them all and catches them at it.
All in all, a really great film to watch if you think it's a hot idea and would like to see the best of it. Loads of hardcore outdoor sex, car action and very real and entertaining dialogue. It actually makes me want a car, just so I can do it too. Anyone fancy a drive...?